The Many Lives of the Marauders
by BookityQualityInvisibility
Summary: The Marauders weren't friends the first time they went to Hogwarts. Sirius Orion Black wasn't sorted in Gryffindor. James Potter didn't have an arrogant bone in his body. Remus Lupin wasn't always kind and Peter Pettigrew used to be the bravest of them all. The bonds between the Marauders were forged over several lifetimes of life, death, and rebirth. JP/LE
1. The First Time: Sirius Orion Black

So no one on this site is the amazing Authoress of Harry Potter, not even me. All writes (it's pun guys, not a spelling mistake) go to her.

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Chapter 1: The First Time

The first time Sirius Orion Black attended Hogwarts he was sorted into Slytherin just like every other pureblood heir of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black had been sorted for a hundred generations. He let little Severus Snape, with his hand me down robes, trail after him and he made friends with Lucius Malfoy. He learned terrible, dark curses on the holidays from his favorite cousin, Bella, and when he was sixteen Sirius was given the honor of taking the Dark Lords mark beside her.

The first time Sirius Black attended Hogwarts he was a bully who picked on his cousin, a shy Hufflepuff named James Potter, and who got into fights with the tiny, fierce leader of Gryffindor, Peter Pettigrew. He was a coward who convinced a surly Ravenclaw to join the Dark Lord and then abandoned that dark, dangerous boy when he learned he was a werewolf. Sirius Black, not Bellatrix Black, was the Dark Lord's favorite that first time around and the cruel boy reveled in it. He rested securely in a cocoon of his family's praise and the bone-deep certainty that he was just a little bit better than everyone else.

That should have been the life of Sirius Orion Black. A life where Lord Voldemort won and muggles died screaming. It would have been, except for Lily Evans. For the one undeniable fact, about the strange, looped existence of the four boys who would come to call themselves The Marauders, was that James Potter loved Lily Evans. He loved her fiercely, deeply, and as naturally as he breathed. Even back when he was an unassuming, stuttering Hufflepuff who shoved a girl, who he'd never had the courage to say hello to, out of the way of a portkey and ended up in the cells beneath Riddle Manor.

The first summer after Sirius Black graduated Hogwarts he discovered the sound of his shy cousin screaming from the Cruciatus curse made him want to puke. He learned, too late, that he didn't hate unassuming Jamie Potter quite as much as he thought. In a small forgotten corner of his heart, Sirius realized he admired his cousin's loyalty. The boy begged and pleaded, he wept and screamed, but he refused to join the Dark Lord.

It took a desperate meeting with Gryffindor's golden boy and a hefty bribe to the bitter werewolf who guarded the cells but, together, Sirius Orion Black, Peter Pettigrew, and Remus Lupin tried to smuggle a stubborn Hufflepuff named James Potter out from beneath the Dark Lords nose. They made it to the foreboding gate at the end of the Manor's long drive but Severus Snape saw their shape under the waxing moon and raised the alarm.

In the end, all four boys died screaming.

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Next Week: The Second Sorting of James Potter

This is plot bunny that won't go away...it's about halfway done. I'm thinking 5 chapters (unless it completely gets away from me) with a different "life" each time. Ideally, everyone will become more canon as time goes on...we'll see if I can actually pull that magic off.


	2. The Second Time: James Fleamont Potter

Thanks, Folks Following this story! Hope you like the update!

So here's Chapter 2 and it's on time! Only by the skin of its teeth but still. It's gotten longer than the first plot arc...which I suppose is to be expected as I got more invested. Three more chapters to go!

Also as I'm sure you've already noticed I have no beta. You have been warned. (Anyone who wants to volunteer will be rewarded with a million brownie points. :) )

Trigger Warning: Self Harm, Attempted Suicide. Major Character Death.

As always...all writes(bad pun alert) to JK our mutual writing goddess.

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Chapter 2: The Second Time James Fleamont Potter Attended Hogwarts

The second time James Fleamont Potter attended Hogwarts he barely noticed his cousin had gotten sorted into Slytherin again. He was too busy twitching from the memory of the Cruciatus Curse. Instead, he concentrated on remembering how to breathe without broken ribs while Peter Pettigrew's phantom screams, begging the Dark Lord to kill him, rang in his ears.

Cheers rang out as each student was sorted but James kept his head down. He didn't dare let his gaze rest on anyone in the Great Hall. Too many of them were younger versions of people he'd watched tear each other apart in a miasma of hate and fear a few short years from now. The shock of being young again lasted through Lupin, Remus being sorted into Ravenclaw and Pettigrew, Peter going to Gryffindor. The dull throbbing in his brain remained until Professor McGonagall called out, Potter, James. Blinking back tears, the little boy with horribly old eyes and messy hair trudged over to the sorting hat and sat down thinking of the safe, yellow walls of the Hufflepuff common room. Just before the hat slipped over his eyes, he looked up and accidentally met the guilt-filled eyes of his cousin, Sirius Black.

The second time James Fleamont Potter attended Hogwarts, he was still very much a Hufflepuff at heart. He still thought everyone could be saved. So he sat down under the hat and bent every ounce of Hufflepuff loyalty in his soul towards one goal. He knew he'd done it when the hat grudgingly shouted out "Slytherin" and a shell-shocked Sirius Black fainted dead away. Lifetimes later, tipsy from butterbeer, the Marauders would declare it James's first, and greatest, prank.

The first time James Fleamont Potter was sorted into Slytherin his father sent a howler the morning after the sorting. James didn't hear it; he was crouched in his dorm room trying to staunch the blood from the cuts on Sirius's wrists. In total, Sirius Black tried to kill himself nine times in their (second) first year. James Potter found him every time and dragged him to Madame Pomfrey before too much blood leaked out of his wrists or the poison he'd taken ate away his insides. It became a common sight to see the shyest, most unassuming Slytherin anyone had ever meet chasing after a slightly unhinged and guilt-riddled (though no one could ever figure out what he thought himself guilty of) Sirius Black. James broke down weeping, he cowed away from his cousin's wand, but he never left.

The one time Sirius managed to get away from James he leaped off the Astronomy tower. Remus Lupin caught the back of his robes slammed him up against the battlements and chewed him out, (metaphorically speaking). The main points, which Sirius grudgingly informed James of later that night, were since Remus had died because of Sirius's stupid plan Sirius owed him a life debt and Remus would appreciate it if Sirius stop trying to get out it. Sirius stopped trying to kill himself and James was too relieved to point out that life debts didn't work like that. Remus didn't speak to either James or Sirius again, but sometimes James would look up and notice the solitary werewolf watching the cousins with something very close to longing in his eyes. James noticed and he felt bad about it but not enough to do something. After all, he was a Hufflepuff masquerading as Slytherin. Making friends with a werewolf, a creature out of his bedtime nightmares required more than loyalty or cunning. It required courage. James Potter wasn't quite that brave yet.

The second time James attended Hogwarts he learned that Peter Pettigrew remembered everything when his Boggart turned into three dead boys in their 5th year. James tried to get Peter to talk about it, one night when they ran into each other in the kitchens, but Sirius showed up and old habits die hard. All three boys ended up in the hospital wing, covered in polka dots, extra eyes, and itches in unmentionable places.

Remus Lupin was lying on the other side of the room recovering from the full moon the night before. When James, high on too much un-polka dotting potion, saw the boy he started crying and staggered over. To Remus horror, and Sirius everlasting amusement, James crawling right into bed with the other boy. Sobbing, the Hufflepuff turned Slytherin started apologizing about not being nicer. Peter grinned at the surly Ravenclaw he'd befriending years ago. The teenage werewolf shot all three boys exasperated looks and tried to extricate himself from the clingy Slytherin. James just snuggled closer giggling and declared he wanted to be as scary as Remus one day. Taking pity on Remus, Sirius tried to help pull James off the bed but only succeeded in getting tangled in the bedsheets. The sight of Sirius bright red with embarrassment, tangled at the end his bed, was too much even for Remus and the boy started chuckling. Finally, Peter stepped in. Unfortunately, that was when the de-polka dotting potion decided to kick in for Peter and Sirius, as well. Somehow, James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, and Remus Lupin ended up in a four-way pillow fight, drenched in moonlight, howling with laughter for no apparent reason. Later Peter would declare that night in the hospital wing the first official meeting of the Marauders.

The first time James Fleamont Potter was sorted in Slytherin he struggled to hide his cousin's new ambitious life goal, the destruction of Lord Voldemort. With hard work, patience, and a great deal of misdirection James managed to carve out a little spot of ambiguity in the Slytherin house hierarchy for them. In the eyes of Slytherin house, the cousins weren't quite blood traitors nor were they ardent supporters of the rising Dark Lord. They were outwardly grey at a time where it was nearly impossible not to pick a side. But it was all a carefully executed facade. James kept up the pretense of indifference in the Slytherin common room while Remus showed up at the Fat Lady's portrait every night and complained loudly about having to drag Peter to the library. No one guessed, except perhaps a man with a long white beard and twinkling eyes, what both boys were conspiring to hide. For who would have guessed that every night Peter Pettigrew and Sirius Black found common ground huddled together in an unused classroom with a silencing charm on the door. They still cursed each other in the hallways but at night every battle, attack, or name that a former Death Eater and a former member of Order of the Phoenix could remember was spread out across the desks and walls. Every night they argued about the best way to stop Voldemort. Every night, they crept back through the halls after curfew their eyes red and haunted. Eventually, they decided they needed a spy and Remus volunteered. James didn't argue. He would regret that decision the rest of all his lives.

The first time James was sorted into Slytherin he got a little twinge of worry in his stomach when Dumbledore stood up and said at the beginning of 7th year that a certain Ravenclaw student wouldn't be returning to complete his Hogwarts education. James gnawed his fingernails wishing he knew a charm to track people. He worried and wrapped his hand around the only physical proof of the four boys secret friendship, a huge overflowing book of sketches of Hogwart's secret corridors and passageways that they'd all contributed to. That night he let Sirius throw dark curses he'd learned a lifetime ago at him until they were both too exhausted to worry. Three days later Peter Pettigrew got the note Sirius passed him in DADA. The bold Griffendor walked into the staged ambush on the 3rd-floor corridor and all three were careful to curse each other just enough to warrant an overnight trip to the Hospital Wing. Unobserved, they plotted to sneak out on Hogsmeade weekend to check on Remus. James never mentioned that he'd finally worked up the courage to ask Lily to go with him. He just told her he'd changed his mind while she cried and called him a coward for letting house loyalties get in the way.

The Marauders never graduated Hogwarts in that lifetime but they made it past a pack of thirty werewolves to where a battered Remus Lupin was being held in a silver cage. They broke him out and then when it became obvious there was no way out they stood their ground, together, when the moon rose. Moony even managed to attack the other wolves instead of the boys standing in front of him. In the end, it didn't matter, they were all still torn apart.

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Next Week: The Third Time Remus Lupin was sorted in Hogwarts.

If you saw any grammar mistakes give me a holler and I'll fix 'em, please and thank you. (I know there are some comma problems and a couple run-ons for sure. I'll try and fix 'em at a later date but mad Chinese homework is killing my English language skills at the moment. So anything that's driving you nuts just shout out. )


	3. The Third Time: Remus John Lupin

So Welcome to the Third Life of the Mauraders. Thanks to those of you who are following this. :) This one is gonna be darker. The boys have died twice now and they're getting serious.

Trigger Warnings: PTSD, References to abuse, main character death

Disclaimer: I def don't own any of this.

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The third time Remus John Lupin attended Hogwarts he burst into tears when the sorting hat shouted out Ravenclaw after it had been stuck on Sirius Black's head for a solid twenty minutes. He sobbed through the Sorting Hat being placed on his own head and felt his lower lip tremble as he trudged over to sit next to a triumphant Sirius.

Tears threatened to spill out of his eyes when the hat stalled again. This time it sat on Peter's head for five minutes before it snapped out "Fine. Ravenclaw for you too, foolish boy." Just as Remus was finally getting ahold of himself he broke into a fresh round of weeping when Potter, James was sorted in Ravenclaw after barely a minute.

The third time Remus was sorted in Ravenclaw he crawled into his blue, four-poster bed and went to sleep certain this time would be different. That certainty lasted until the moon rose and all four boys woke up screaming, terrified of the silver moonlight streaming through the windows of Ravenclaw tower.

By the time they walked into the Great Hall the next morning the new Ravenclaws' nightmares were already the talk of Hogwarts. They quickly got so bad that the boys resorted to silencing charms on their bed curtains and brewing unhealthy amounts of dreamless sleep in their bathroom.

It took several months but eventually, the boys hit upon sleeping in the same bed as a viable alternative to an early potions addiction. When the memories of torture and evisceration got too strong they could immediately reach out and cling to each other. Something as simple as hug was a powerful Patronus again their darkest fears.

Of course, Agustus Rookwood looked at his fellow first years oddly the first morning he saw them all piled together in Remus's bed. Remus flinched when he felt the other boy's eyes on them and refused to look up. James, who was curled up beside Remus, felt a little shiver run down the werewolf's body. Sirius noticed how Remus's eyes went a little too wide and Peter was reminded how sometimes, in their second lifetime, he'd found Remus curled up in random classrooms unwilling to sleep in Ravenclaw tower. Something cold ran through the veins and settled in the stomachs of the boys who would become The Mauraders.

The third time Remus Lupin was sorted into Ravenclaw he never heard about how one day, while he was recovering from the full moon in the hospital wing, Peter tripped Augustus causing him to fall behind the rest of the first years. Remus never found out that Sirius slammed a frightened eleven-year-old up against a wall in retaliation for things the boy had done in other lifetimes. The kind werewolf never heard about the threats Sirus and Peter hissed at the boy while James kept a lookout, whistling a cheerful tune that was at odds with the cold, grim look on his face.

After all, Remus would always maintain that you couldn't blame people for the choices they made in other lives. His friends respect that belief, even if they thought it was a bit naive, so Remus never learned about that day. All Remus Lupin knew was that after the third time he was sorted in Ravenclaw James, Peter, and Sirius never left him alone with Augustus Rookwood again.

The third time Remus Lupin was sorted into Hogwarts he learned that the adults he respected were only human. The other Marauders would make excuses for their favorite professors but Remus never quite trusted the adults of Hogwarts after his third life.

He could never look at Flitwick quite the same way after he lectured Remus on defending Sirius. The diminutive charms teacher called the boy a dark wizard despite the fact that, as far as Flitwick knew, Sirius was only an eleven-year-old child. It made Remus's blood go cold and then burning hot. (Yes, the wild boy had shot off an entrail expelling curse that no first year should have any business knowing when Alecto Carrow bumped into him but that didn't mean Sirius was evil.)

Remus watched his professors warily after his third year when Professor McGonagall took a hundred points from James certain the flawless N.E.W.T. level transformation he had done was only possible with dark magic. Remus would always get a little shiver up his spine when he thought how in 6th year Hagrid had roared at Peter to get away from Lily Evans, even though he'd only drawn his wand to try and heal her twisted ankle. And he always hated Slughorn for cozying up to monsters like Malfoy while making no effort to hid the fear in his eyes whenever the four Ravenclaws strode into his classroom.

Unsurprisingly, all the boys were approached by members of Voldemort's growing clan of sycophants. This time none of them considered being a spy, instead, they broke the bones of anyone stupid enough to suggest they would go far with the patronage of the Dark Lord.

The third time Remus went to Hogwarts he spent most of it in the library. Having already spent two lifetimes learning Lumos and Wingardum Leviosa, homework was laughingly simple. So Remus took advantage of one of the greatest repositories of knowledge in the wizarding world in a way no other student, except perhaps a boy named Tom Riddle, ever had.

He found spells to trace the essence of a person no matter what disguise they wore and follow their movements. Those spells culminated in a map that had a far different purpose than the map he and his friends had started to make in their last lifetime. This map allowed them to track everyone in Hogwarts. With a bit of tweaking, it would also lead them to anyone who had ever walked the halls of Hogwarts, no matter how many wards they hid behind.

With his friends help Remus brewed potions that forced the truth from the most reluctant lips. He found spells to maim, kill, and control minds that were so old there were no laws against their use. At Peter's suggestion, Remus dug up books on Animugus training and then the boys debated the forms they should take in order to maximize their chances of killing Death Eaters.

Only once did Remus notice James Potter watching Lily Evans as she flirted with her longtime boyfriend, Snape. When he raised an eyebrow James sighed, shook his head and returned to puzzling out ancient runes. He was too old for the girl he had worship lifetimes ago. It was the first time Remus realized that even though they managed to relive their lifetimes there were some things they could never get back. It hurt to see the resignation in James' eyes so Remus did his best to ignore it and threw himself into his research instead.

The third time Remus was sorted into Ravenclaw all four boys graduated from Hogwarts summa cum laude and then immediately vanished. Within weeks of graduation, a small group of vigilantes started terrorizing Wizarding Britain.

A select few saw a pattern in the attacks. Unfortunately, all the wider public knew was that highly respected witches and wizards were being found killed in their own homes.

From the survivors' accounts, the Ministry managed to get some idea of what they were facing. There were always four men. They used code names and their faces were masked with magic. The men would break the wards and then storm into homes in the dead of night wielding terrible magic. The press named them the Marauders and they pushed the frightened wizarding population of Britain to the breaking point.

Terrified by the Ministry's inability to protect them witches and wizards flocked to Voldemort. Tom Riddle was a clever man and he presented a compelling argument, one designed to maximize his influence. If the people being attacked were all powerful, pureblood wizards who had spoken out again Muggleborns then surely the Mauraders must be dissatisfied Muggleborns, jealous of the purebloods power and wealth. To the horror of the Mauraders, all it took was that single well-placed rumor and The Wizarding World fell to pureblood fanaticism with barely a whimper.

The third time Remus Lupin was sorted in Ravenclaw (but only the second time he graduated Hogwarts) he realized that the Mauraders had been a bit too clever. They had worked hard to make themselves even more dangerous than the Death Eaters they hunted and managed to turn themselves in the boogieman instead of Voldemort. Looking down the business end of Alister Moody's wand, Remus Lupin was forced to acknowledge that he'd made a tactical error.

Faced with the possibility of battling The Order of the Phoenix, James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, and Remus Lupin hesitated for the first time since they'd graduated Hogwarts. Severus Snape didn't have any such compunctions. He threw the first Avada Kedavra fueled by the thought of his muggleborn wife being sentenced to Azkaban for existing. He hated that his family had been torn apart, that the wizarding world had been weak enough to flee to Voldemort, but mostly he hated how it could all be traced back to four Ravenclaws who had decided to start killing anyone in their way.

The third time the Mauraders died it was quick and relatively painless. Two dozen Avada Kedavaras will do that.

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So There is Chapter 3. Two more to go I think. Let me know what you think. :) To anyone who remembers I said I'm trying to get these guys closer and closer to canon...yes they're going to end up canon (hopefully) but they're def not there yet. The idea that the ends justify the means got out of hand here. (Actually, it got a lot more out of hand than I had originally planned. Ravenclaws can be scary. But then I always thought the Mauraders had the potential to be downright terrifying.)


	4. The Fourth Time:Peter Williams Pettigrew

I"m back! Still jobless….still way too much homework….but here's the fourth chapter...one more to go.

I had a horrible time trying to write this one. As I try and make everyone more cannon Peter really gave me a ton of trouble. Mostly because to my utter surprise, I found I really liked tiny, fierce Peter Pettigrew. I don't want him to become the cowardly mess that is canon Peter and trying to make it suitably believable while still making him loyal until his cannon life has been...ugh...a chore.

Also...I'm not a Hufflepuff...but damn sometimes I wish I was. They're badass. Seriously guys...if anyone could take over the world it would be Hufflepuff House.

If anyone has any ideas how to get James and Lily to work in their cannon life without being creepy PLEASE send me suggestions. I hate the whole old immortal man creeping on the teenage girl trope...seriously...of all romance/paranormal romance/fantasy/fanfiction tropes that one gives me the biggest squick factor. I've got a couple ideas but I'm not sold on any of them.

This is a tragedy...I think at this point it should be obvious there will be death and despair. You've been warned. Also, profanity warning, the boys are hard and jaded now.

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The fourth time Peter William Pettigrew attended Hogwarts he watched the sorting  
ceremony through a film of tears. He didn't dare look up at the high table where Albus Dumbledore looked on with twinkling eyes, unaware that moments ago, as far as four time-looped men were concerned, he had coldly thrown killing curses at the Marauders.

As Sirius stalked over to start the fourth sorting of the Marauders, Peter tried to regulate his breathing. The death they had all just awoken from had been painless, but as far as Peter was concerned, he'd rather they'd all been mauled by werewolves, again. The mental anguish of watching his greatest hero fire off a killing curse in their direction was a Crucio straight to Peter's heart.

Fury, shame and despair rolled in his gut and Peter had an overwhelming urge to vomit. Seeing men and women he had lead in his first lives look at him with hate and disgust had been difficult but it was the failure that brought tears to his eyes. In three different lives, Peter William Pettigrew had screwed his courage to the breaking point, lifted his chin and stared down bullies who'd turned into sadistic psychopaths and fought for what was right. All three times he'd failed to stop the Dark Lord.

 _Ten and a half_ minutes later Peter nearly strangled Padfoot when the hat finally shouted out "Hufflepuff."

"So bets on the reason behind the stall?" Peter looked up at Remus Lupin, who even at 11, was already taller than him.

"The wanker obviously decided to fuck with us." The casual profanity from the lips of a cherub-faced James Potter had several firsties around them looking faint.

"Which wanker is that," Peter drawled, "The hat or Padfoot?"

Minerva McGonagall called out, "Lupin, Remus" and the werewolf gave a cold smile that looked extremely creepy on a child.

"Guess I'm about to find out."

The fourth time Peter William Pettigrew attended Hogwarts he decided to go back to "his" house. He'd reluctantly been a 'Claw in his last life, but, dammit, he missed Gryffindor. Red and gold would always be where he belonged. The moment he'd opened his eyes and realized they were all back at the beginning, again, he'd felt an odd rush of excitement before the reality of who had killed them hit.

For a few minutes, while he waited for Sirius to be sorted, Peter had imagined a life where they were all Gryffindors. Where they earned Dumbledore's trust and joined the Order. A life where, together, the Marauders would finally end Voldemort.

Instead, Pads had apparently decided to throw out all their previous strategizing. Fuming silent, Peter glared at Sirius as the dark haired boy leaped up and half tackled Remus down into a seat next to him. How Padfoot went from being A.K. to immediately pulling a prank that involved convincing the sorting hat to put Sirius _freaking_ Black in motherfucking Hufflepuff and then the _goddamn werewolf_ just followed along was so frustrating Peter could scream. It was as if Sirius was determined to convince everyone he still had zero sense of responsibility.

Peter knew differently. He would never admit it, but Peter respected Sirius Black more than anyone else except Albus Dumbledore himself. Sirius was deadly with a wand and his sense of vengeance was only eclipsed by Peter's own. They'd built a friendship that transcended death on a shared desire to kill everyone who wore a Dark Mark. Peter knew Sirius could be serious when the situation called for it. He nearly smacked himself when the man's voice popped into his head."That's cause I am Sirius, Pete."

"Great," Peter muttered, "just great. Now, the git's in my head."

As McGonagall called out, "Pettigrew, Peter" James shoved a sharp elbow into Peter's side.

"Get Hufflepuff," the haunted boy whispered and Peter rolled his eyes and stepped forward to meet the sorting hat for his fourth time. To hell with Sirius and James, they needed to get into the Order this time around and the easiest way to do that would be to be in Dumbledore's old house.

" _Just stick me in Gryffindor and be done with it,_ " Peter thought as the old, smelly hat slipped over his eyes.

" _Gryffindor...eh? Curious and curiouser...You, Mr. Pettigrew, are quite the hardest person I've ever had to sort and that includes your little time-looped friends."_ It was all Peter could do not to just pluck the hat off his head and march over to Gryffindor.

" _Look hat, cut the crap, you're basically an enchanted Ouija board and I'm not gonna argue with you about sticking me in a house I don't belong in. Just stick me in MY house and move on."_

" _Ah...but Mr. Pettigrew you are most certainly NOT a Gryffindor."_ The air seemed to freeze around Peter and suddenly he felt light-headed like he'd just taken a cutting hex to the heart.

" _Of...c...c..c..course I'm a Gryffindor. I've a..a..always been a Gryffindor."_ His old childhood stammer echoed in Peter's thoughts.

" _No, no...in fact Mr. Pettigrew. You and your compatriots are hardly fitted for Hogwarts. You are cruel, cold and utterly fixated on vengeance to the point of stupidity. If I had the choice I'd throw all three of you out on your ears. Unfortunately, I am the SORTING Hat and so sort you I must. I sort children into a house that will foster qualities they admire and are predisposed to….and you...you...what good qualities do you have Mr. Pettigrew?"_

" _You're saying I'm a..a.. Slytherin."_ Peter realized his hands were shaking and he quickly clasped them together to keep anyone from noticing.

" _Slytherin...eh? No...no…like your friends all you have left is vengeance. Vengeance to the point of stupidity, vengeance that burns so hotly it cannot be concealed, vengeance that has consumed so much of who you once were that you are too afraid to ever consider the consequences of abandoning it. Hmmm..a core of loyalty to your fellow Marauders though….yes..yes...like the others...And really...the most dangerous...the most powerful of the founders...the one who's vengeance the others never dared to cross was always Helga ….HUFFLEPUFF! "_

Peter stumbled towards Hufflepuff in a daze and would have walked right past the Marauders if Remus had snagged his arm and tucked Peter next to him and Padfoot.

"You ok, mate?" Looking up Peter could see Pads frowning down at him in concern.

"Hat..said..d..d..didn't belong..." With barely concealed horror Peter realized he was stuttering again, just like he had when he was a frightened child on the playground before he'd found his magic and his courage.

"Yeah," Remus said glumly, "Us too...nice to know even a thousand-year-old talking accessory thinks we're useless fuck-ups."

"Psh." Sirius rolled his eyes. "Do you even hear yourself Moony? It's a thousand-year-old talking accessory...who gives a fuck?"

"Mr. Black! Language!" The three Marauders looked up to see a Hufflepuff prefect glaring at them.

"Er...who are you again?" Sirius squinted at the frowning boy. "You look familiar…"

"I'm Dedalus Diggle."

"F...f...fuck," Peter said.

"Yeah...fucking Merlin's hairy balls," Sirius repeated and all three boys looked sick. The last time Peter had seen the bossy boy in front of them he'd been in pieces nailed to Madam's Malkin's door.

Unaware of the vivid images of death flashing through the heads of the boys in front of him Diggle's voice ratcheted up another three decibels. "I said WATCH your language, Black. Obviously, the sorting hat's gone insane. Who in their right mind thinks a BLACK belongs in Hufflepuff…I won't tolerate..."

"Fuck you," Moony snapped back a growl building in his throat. "Hat said Hufflepuff...so we're 'Puff's. Be glad. With us here nobody gonna be stupid enough to mess with Badgers."

"At least not more than once," Padfoot said with a grim smile. Unconsciously, Peter's eyes drifted over to where Rastaban Lestrange was holding court at Slytherin table.

"Don't take Diggle to heart," A stern seventh year "Puff rolled her eyes. "Obviously we're going to have our hands full just keeping you three alive if that's how you treat prefects." She leaned forward, "But please at least try to be respectful to authority figures. We have an actual chance at the house cup this year and I would really appreciate it if that wasn't jeopardized by three firsties."

"Four," All three men crammed into boys bodies said automatically as James plopped down next to Peter, glowing at the thought of returning to his old house. The boys dug into the feast and the day would have gone fine if Bellatrix Black hadn't finally found her voice after being struck utterly speechless with shock and fury when her cousin had broken generations of tradition by going to Hufflepuff.

The psychotic seventh year sauntered over to Hufflepuff table twirling her wand. Without a conscious thought, the Marauders stood up together their feet automatically sliding into a duelers stance.

"Bella," Sirius said tightly.

"Oooh….poor...widdle...Sirius. I can't imagine what Auntie Walburga's Howler's gonna say tomorrow. I bet she's blasting you off the family tapestry as well speak...although…" the older girl twisted her head and tapped her chin with her wand, miming thinking extremely hard. "At least you managed to get sorted. I mean 10 mins….I think we were beginning to wonder if the hat was gonna out you as a squib. Instead, the hat shoved you into Hufflepuff…" she grinned nastily, " 'cause nobody else would take you or your little fucked up friends. Who are they anyways Sirius...aren't you gonna introduce your favorite cousin Bella?"

To the children in the Great Hall, Sirius seemed totally unconcerned but this was the fourth time Peter Pettigrew had attended Hogwarts, the fourth time he had fought and died with the men beside him. He noticed how Sirius just held himself back from flinching, how the lines around Remus' eyes grew more pronounced, how Jame's wand hand flex and twitch. Peter Pettigrew's courage came roaring back.

The fourth time Peter William Pettigrew was sorted into Hogwarts the Hufflepuff table exploded in the middle of the Welcoming Feast and a large sliver of magically enhanced wood impaled Bellatrix Black, crippling her for life. The explosion was accompanied by a huge flare of what people assumed was accidental magic but was nothing of the sort. Peter Pettigrew had always been a dab hand at wandless explosions.

The fourth time Peter William Pettigrew attended Hogwarts he spent months convincing the Marauders to go up to Dumbledore's office and lay out the entire mess. In the end, addicted to Dreamless Sleep, (again), with despair eating at the edges of their souls they trudged up to the gargoyle, rode the spinning stairs to an office filled with whirling silver instruments, and confessed their sins.

The twinkle left Albus Dumbledore's eyes that night and never returned. They went to work with grim determination and the Marauders broke the record for the number of detentions served with a headmaster in their very first year.

Peter told himself that they needed the help, that they needed the Defeater of Grindelwald if they were to succeed where they had failed before, but he never told Dumbledore how they'd died in their third life. He convinced the other Marauders that it wasn't important but mostly he didn't want to see Albus Dumbledore look at him in disappointment. In the back of his head, a little voice gibbered and screamed "c..c..c...coward".

The fourth time Peter Pettigrew attended Hogwarts the gregarious children of Hufflepuff didn't know what to do the Marauders. They didn't know what to make of the four strange boys with old eyes who called Headmaster Dumbledore, Albus. The four boys who woke up screaming every night, but broke up fights in the hallways with brutal efficiency and lectured second and seventh years alike on the importance of unity. The students of Hufflepuff didn't know what to do with the Marauders, but they didn't care, they loved them anyway.

They hugged James Potter and ignored how he flinched every single time before getting teary-eyed and relaxing into their embrace. Hufflepuffs everywhere started carrying chocolate bars in their robe pockets when they noticed how Remus glowed every time a candy bar melted on his tongue. A group of fifth years claimed they were practicing for their O.W.L.S. and managed to permanently charm the boys' beds together when they found out they slept better together. The third years recruited the Ravenclaws to help them research the best jokes in the hopes of making the boys laugh. And the sixth years asked the Prewett Twins to help come up with crazy pranks when they realized that it made Sirius Black's mouth twitch.

The second year, the new first-year "puffs one-upped everyone by approaching the Slytherins with a bribing scheme that involved copious amounts of cookies in return for a vow to ignore the Marauders. It became a game in Hufflepuff to see who could make a Marauder laugh. If they thought it strange that Peter Pettigrew could correct a seventh year dueling stance, or that James Potter automatically answered O.W.L. level questions with a distracted air while reading a book on animagi transformations they didn't mention it. "Puffs stuck together and woe to anyone who even thought about touching the fey broken boys of Hufflepuff.

Like the massive puzzle that sat in Hufflepuff common room the students of Hufflepuff pieced the broken Marauders back together and in doing so they managed to foster a sense of community among the Hogwarts Houses' that hadn't been since the founders.

The fourth time Peter Pettigrew attended Hogwarts he began to believe that this time they would manage to defeat Voldemort. He watched James hesitantly make friends with Lily Evans, although the man was careful to play the role of older brother.

He watched as the entire house of Hufflepuff started dropping obvious hints to Remus that they knew he was a werewolf and they didn't care. He watched as Remus decided to start teaching everyone defense and laughed for an hour the first time a student jokingly called Remus "Professor Lupin." Peter marveled as the Prewett Twins dragged Sirius into endless pranks and the beaten dog look faded from Sirius's eyes.

But In the dark, curled up to his sleeping friends, Peter worried that the Marauders were losing focus and so he pushed himself harder, spent longer hours with Dumbledore planning and practicing and strategizing. And sometimes...once in a great while….he'd sneak away from all the clingy Hufflepuffs, ward a broom closet near the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy with silencing spells, and scream himself hoarse with memories of torture, death, and the terrible fear that everything they were doing still wouldn't be enough.

The fourth time Peter William Pettigrew attended Hogwarts, a pitch battle broke out in Diagon Alley while Marauders were getting their books for 6th year. Instead of apparating away, instead of keeping their strength secret until they were ready, James Potter saw red when Lily Evans purposefully attracted the Dark Lord's attention to protect the group of muggleborn first years she was escorting in the Alley.

Faced with Lily's death, James Fleamont Potter finally realized he'd always had the sort of courage that defies death. The messy haired boy called up four lifetimes of curses and dueled the Dark Lord all the way down the Alley in a deadly barrage of spells. Just like they had, all those lifetimes ago, Sirius Orion Black, Remus John Lupin and Peter William Pettigrew came to his rescue.

The fourth time Peter Williams Pettigrew stood against Lord Voldemort he was blown through the window of Ollivanders and Crucioed with a thousand wands strewn around him, broken glass cutting into his writhing body. Together, Mr. Moony, Padfoot and Prongs took on Lord Voldemort to protect their friend and Peter watched them trembling. As James screamed in pain and Remus panted with exhaustion and Sirius's eyes grew wide with fear Peter William Pettigrew took hold of the dwindling flame of courage in his chest and stood back up. A deep desire for vengeance twisted itself into utter loathing and Peter Pettigrew killed Lord Voldemort with an Avada Kedavra straight to the heart.

The fourth time Peter William Pettigrew attended Hogwarts he was hailed as the Savior of Magical Britain. Two weeks later a serpentine monster rose from a steaming cauldron and attacked Platform 9 ¾ as families prepared to send their children off to another year at Hogwarts. The Dark Lord ordered the death of anyone found with a black and yellow tie in retaliation again the Hufflepuff who had managed to kill him. The death toll was staggering and included all but six Hufflepuffs.

A few days later, still shellshocked, Peter locked himself in a broom closet for three days and screamed so hard and long that he permanently damaged his throat. Even with Madam Pomfrey's healing potions, his voice was a broken raspy drawl.

The fourth time Peter William Pettigrew attended Hogwarts, the Marauders left Hogwarts in the middle of their seventh year to follow Dumbledore and the Order of Phoenix into a war of attrition that raged across Europe for twenty years.

Every year the Marauders would sit up on the night of the September 1st Hufflepuff Massacre and get blindingly drunk on firewhiskey and recount all the crazy, kind, wonderful things they could remember the Hufflepuffs doing for them. Sometimes, older Hufflepuffs would join them, but as the years dragged on there were fewer and fewer 'Puffs left. "Puffs stuck together and anyone who had ever been part of the House of Badgers had rallied against Voldemort. But it had merely meant that more 'Puffs died.

On the 10th anniversary of the Massacre, the Marauders made an unbreakable vow, that no matter how many times they were reborn they would never, ever be Badgers again. The House had given far too much and their loyalty had extracted far too high a price.

The fourth time Peter William Pettigrew lived, he watched James Potter pick up the broken pieces of Lily Evans Longbottom after her husband and children were killed in front of her by a vindictive Severus Snape. He watched Sirius Black fall in love with Minerva McGonagall and a piece of Remus Lupin die the day the haggard werewolf stood as best man at their wedding. He watched Albus Dumbledore's shoulders curl inward and his eyes grow to be cold chips of blue fire.

The fourth time Peter William Pettigrew lived, he watched with despair as the warm courage that had always burned so brightly in his soul steadily dwindle to an ember, no matter how desperately he blew on it. He and Albus were the masterminds, the strategizers, and the leaders of the rebellion that kept Voldemort from taking over the entire world but they were old men, even if Peter was trapped in the body of a young one, and they were both so tired.

Almost thirty years after Peter William Pettigrew was sorted in a Hogwarts House for the fourth time he sat in a bunker, too depressed to drink, beside his three best friends as a few miles away the remnants of the Order of Phoenix sent up a conjured white flag.

"Fuck if I'm gonna give the mother-fucker the satisfaction of killing me," Sirius snarled his fingers twisting around the wedding ring that he had never taken off, despite the fact that "Minnie" had died years ago.

"I'll drink to that," James said and took a gulp straight from their last bottle of Ogden's Finest.

"If we go down fighting, we'll doom the rest of them," Remus pointed out.

"So we don't fight," Peter said in his raspy whisper, "Doesn't mean we can't die."

"And maybe…" Remus said.

"Just maybe…" Sirius echoed.

"We wake up at Hogwarts," James finished.

The fourth time Peter William Pettigrew attended Hogwarts he never graduated, he never married, he drank too much, he had a habit of casting silencing spells in empty rooms and screaming with despair, but he never gave up. As he lifted a wand to his temple, in concert with his three best friends, in a dark bunker that smelled of despair Peter William Pettigrew used the last, tiny spark of courage left in his soul and defied Lord Voldemort with his friends, once more.

* * *

I would just like to finish this up with a comment that suicide is never the answer. While art often imitated life, that does not mean that the choices characters make are the right ones. If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide please, remember you are loved. At the very least you're loved by a mediocre fan fiction author who thinks of you fondly multiple times a day for reading her fever dreams. (Seriously, no pun intended, I squeal every time I see a stat and spend days walking on clouds.) Talk to a friend...hell message me. But don't give up.


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